


A Demand for Butter

by fresne



Category: Medieval Manuscript Illustrations
Genre: F/M, Fluffy, Medieval Romance Infidelity, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-25 01:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17111933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: Goodly reader, fair patroness in control of her own purse strings, consider then the question of love. Of battles to impress a lady fair.Of snails.





	A Demand for Butter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oneiriad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneiriad/gifts).



Father Brieuc went directly from his Matins prayers to his garden and groaned more musically than any choir at the sight before him.

Now before this writer goes onto to describe that sight there is such that must be laid plain. First that the setting of this story is in Broceliande forest. As the well-appointed patroness knows, this location heralds wonders.

This story is set in Paimpont by a silvery lake that liked in her morning hours, when the first blush of spring was in, to pull a fine gauzy mantle against the morning chill. As did the lady who lived in the lake, for they were much the same.

Father Briuec cared nothing for chill.

He was not of a chillen nature.

What he cared for was his garden.

Father Brieuc grew very particular things in his particular garden in the heart of the forest of Broceliande where the world was so alive that the lake needed a fine gauzy mantle when the last chill of winter was still in the air.

During the night some snails had been at his garden. This was cause for some concern for any gardener. Unless that gardener had some butter, chives, and a box with some cornmeal*. For that gardener might then take the snails that ate from their garden, put them in the box to clear out whatever it was they might have eaten for a day or two, and then themselves have a fine meal. A peasant's food, it's true, and nothing to compare with deer* from the woods, but delicious nevertheless. 

Father Brieuc had neither chives, nor butter and certainly no box. Also, it may be recalled that he grew very particular things in his garden.

Things that the snails had eaten and had as a result grown somewhat large.

Very large in fact. So large, there was now screaming from the village of Paimpont as these ponderous creatures made their way in an easy to track trail of silvery slime behind them over the garden wall. That is until their weight quite crushed the wall.

Father Brieuc had choice words for the still morning air that might have had the lady in the lake blushing in her youth, but she'd heard far worse since. 

The lake did grow pink, as a reflection of the dawn and a result of the laughter of the lady at the sight of giant snails making their slow and ponderous way from the parish church.

So, with Father Brieuc cursing and the lady in the lake laughing, Sir Guillaume arose from his fine bed with its goose down tick and his lady love snuggled there. Not his wife it should be understood, which would be quite impossible. His wife, the Lady Lunette, was responsible for tending a magic spring some thirty miles distant. While his lady love, Lady Aelfrida, was more than willing to make her way to Sir Guillaume's bed as her own husband was presently held captive by a princess of Rome, and the demands of courtesy were such that she keep her guest warm for as previously noted there still a spring chill in the air. Also, she had been a Saxon princess of Mercia and had full knowledge of the sort of captivity in which her Breton husband was now held.

For those would censure this writer, assume that there was a sword that lay between Lady Aelfrida and Sir Guillaume all this night. For those would not censure this writer, understand what I mean by sword and therefore know that Sir Guillaume was quite enjoying his time hunting in Lord de Paimpont's forests and enjoying the lady's hospitality. 

He was thinking about the hunt as he made his way to the narrow window overlooking the lake and village beyond. Now with the addition of some several giant snails. 

At his groan, Lady Aefrida put on a mantle to cover her bareness and made her way to the window. She kissed his noble cheek and said, "You were after a quest. Were quite insistent upon it last night." 

"Not a snail quest," replied that doughty gentleman, who was quite proud of his skill in the joust.

"Oh, but think of the rewards for a battle hard fought," said the Lady, who after seeing that Sir Guillaume understood her went to her ladies.

She said to Brown Iseulta, "You must travel to the meadows by the sea."

Brown Iseulta, who had not yet seen out a window as she was not so blessed in her sleeping arrangements, nor heard the villagers screams through the castle walls, said, "For what purpose, my Lady? That is a several days journey." 

"The red cattle that eat the marsh grass there have the sweetest milk."

Blond Iseulta sighed. She'd been sighing in Lady Aelfrida's solar over the morning beauty of the lake and the lady that lived therin and was well aware of what was occuring. "And I my lady?"

"You must journey to the Abbey Loon." Lady Aefrida held up a hand. "I know it is all the way in Normandy, but it must be done. The garden of the Abbess Hawis has the best chives and garlic in all the land."

Through all of this, Brown Iseulta was confused as to why her lady wanted milk. 

When it was explained that butter was what was needed and why, she said, "Oh," and set forth with alacrity. It would have been a quite dangerous journey if Brown Iseulta had not possessed a magic mantle made of ordinary salamander's skin, which made everyone think of the word moist and glance away from whoever was wearing it in some discomfort.

Blond Iseulta had a very different sort of cloak, which allowed her to fly to the Abbess of Loon in the course of the morning and return at her leisure with chives and garlic with time to dally in a certain hot spring with a certain elvish knight, who had gifted her with the cloak. 

Meanwhile, Sir Guillaume gathered his knights and went to do battle with the giant snails, but for all their skill at the joust, their lances were no match for the mighty shells of the great snails, which by the magic of the herbs they had consumed were as the thickest of armor. Nor were their fronts any more vulnerable to the lances and swords of the knights. Having been rendered as impervious as adamantine by the thick slime they exuded.

No sword could cut it. No lance could pierce through it. Or at least not terribly far.

It must be reported that a field of brussel sprouts was utterly laid bare by the creatures in a matter of a single day. 

Still the villagers, having decided screaming was of little use and after hours of watching giant snails slowly approach was wearying as well, led by Mistress Hedwig, saved the village by waving torches at the things while the knights stood in conversation about what to do next. 

Father Briuec it should be understood was busy at work repairing his garden.

As the snails went into the woods, Mistress Hedwig put the whole village up for pints of ale that she had just brewed in thanks for their work saving her corn* field.

Now the deer* in the woods, while quite used to all manner of strange things, were still not accustomed to giant snails. The deer set flight, perching in trees, hiding in burrows, and running in all directions. While the snails set to stripping every tree and bush of not only every apple*, but every leaf and blade of grass below.

Which had Mistress Hedwig putting the village up for another round, because as she told her friend Master Otto, the Miller, "My Lord and Lady claim the forest, not I. But if the forest is now a stripped field," she sipped from her cup, "it can just as easily be ploughed and once ploughed, sewn and once sewn," she tapped her cup against Master Otto's, "gleaned." She watched the snails' slow progress.  

Master Otto said, "I should go speak to Father Brieuc." For there was little doubt in anyone's minds as to the source of the giant snails.

Now some thirty miles distant, Lady Lunette rose from her bed in her white tower by the magic spring of refreshment after a kiss from her lover, Sir Jean, who begged her, "Don't get up just yet. The sun is not yet upon the horizon."

"My love, the sun is fair to kissing the other horizon," was her reply.

Now to those who would censure this story, know that Lady Lunette had observed every chivalric courtesy even down to a sword between them. To those who would not censure this story, understand what is meant by laying a sword between them and understand that Lady Lunette was no stranger to sword play. In truth, it was through Sir Guillaume's defeat of her previous husband, that she and Sir Guillaume had wed. 

Now as much as the Lady Lunette enjoyed her dalliance, she had work to do. Which in truth was best done by night. For that was when the enchanted spring was at its most active.

The Lady Lunette and her ladies were just completing their work with the waters, when her sister, the Lady of the Lake, contacted her by way of a magic mirror, and made known to her the difficulty Sir Guillaume was facing. 

Now if he were to be defeated by the giant snails, he might be rejected by his Lady as unworthy, and all unworthy come home, and were he to resume protecting the spring, Sir Jean might challenge him, and really the Lady Lunette had no desire to lose Sir Jean's love by marrying him.

This would not do.

She found Sir Jean where they had just defeated a wandering knight from their attempt to steal water from the spring. She said, "You must go to the Crystal Cave in the heart of Broceliande forest. There, you must fashion three lances, three swords, and three pikes from the crystal there. When this is done, we will take them to my husband, Sir Guillaume, in Paimpont with my love."

Sir Jean beamed to have a quest of their lady that they might prove themselves. They set off immediately with a small company of knights, men at arms, and servants in a sumptuous tent that was a gift from their lady wife, a queen of the fairies. Upon arrival in the Crystal Cave, taking great care not to release Merlin from where he was embedded like a fly in amber, they crafted what Lady Lunette had asked for.

With pennants flying and much jubilation, they joined the ladies on their palfreys and made their way to Paimpont, where Sir Guillaume received the gifts from his wife with much thanks and promises of love and of his swift return home, which no one took much credence in.

Sir Jean was in no mood to remain and returned swiftly with Lady Lunette, while Sir Guillaume made battle with the giant snails, who had by now cleared three fields worth of forest and quite scared off all the deer*. 

Great was Sir Guillaume's courage. Great was the glory of his triumph.

Great was Lady Aelfrida's satisfaction as her ladies had just arrived with well churned butter, chives, and garlic. Moreover, the crystal swords and lances and pikes were formed of precious salt, which was of some use in the feast.

All were invited to the feast, which was to the enjoyment of all. Although, for his portion Father Brieuc was more interested in examining the alchemic transformation.

If Lady Aelfrida took a more private satisfaction later that evening with Sir Guillaume, which was entirely courteous. 

So courteous and with such fine attention to laying a sword between and care for her bareness, that she found she had a growing reason to journey to where her husband was being held captive by the princess of Rome and with the help of her ladies and Sir Guillaume, she freed him. After a suitable evening rejoined with his wife, for his honor, Lord de Paimpont decided to continue his quest, while the Lady Aelfrida returned home to be delivered of a son and heir for her lord.

What occurred somewhat sooner than this was Mistress Hedwig sent her half-sister, Abbess Hawis in Loon, for there are two sides of a blanket, the rich and the poor, an explanation for Lady Aelfrida's request for chives and garlic, and all that came of it. As well, she sent a packet of seeds and cuttings that Master Otto had obtained from Father Brieuc. With that came an explanation as well for how it might be used to determine if a certain tract of land should remain wild forest, suitable for a Lord's exclusive use for hunting deer*, or ploughed fields suitable for growing corn*.

If Abbess Hawis shared the results with a few others, it could not be helped. 

There was for some time, quite a demand for butter.

  
  


*Lest you become concerned at this poor writers use of the word corn, deer, and apples, recall that corn refers to any form of grain. Just as deer refers to any animal living wild in a woods. Just as apple refers to any fruit upon a tree.  

  
  



End file.
